Instead, they’ve come up with what they say is a scientific formula for the perfect atmosphere in drinking venues. So, if you’re thinking of branching out into the on-trade, remember that: Atmosphere=((D+E+M-3)x6)+((V+L+T-2)x2)+((FA+FR-1)x4)-2 where V=venue, M=music, L=lighting, T=temperature, FA=familiarity, FR=friends, E=entertainment and D=drinks. Each element gets a rating of one to four, which is then substituted into the formula. Get a four on each one and…

Maybe they should have spoken to Burgundy producer Stéphane Aladame, who took part in the same experiment last year, before dropping their wares 15m deep into the brin y. Stormy seas broke up his case and divers were only able to retrieve 250 of the 300 bottles of Montagny he stored underwater. And of those, only six kept their wax seals intact and weren’t ruined…

The wine is produced by Robeal in partnership with a group of other wineries in the region. “With gay marriage having been introduced in Spain and more liberty in the country, we wanted to take a step towards opening people’s minds in the small agricultural area of Ribera del Duero,” a spokesman explained. This is not, readers may recall, the first gay wine, though it…

According to OLN’s music editor, the single from the new CD, Indian Ting, is a “definite car banger” and reviewers are enthusiastically describing the album as “sick”. A pparently th is is a good thing. Jancis + Robert 2getha 4eva Ever wondered what Jancis Robinson and Robert Parker would do if their paths crossed? Bash each other over the head with bottles of Château Pavie…

“It was only when I showed my wife the website, blossom-hill.co.uk, that it was pointed out to me that the Blossom Hill B&B is actually in Hexham, Northumberland, run by a charming couple called John and Joan with no connection whatsoever to Californian wine. I tried to obtain some compensation through blossomhill.co.uk, but the people there claimed to run a design agency and knew very…

Not exactly. Visitors to Laithwaites’ Theale headquarters will be familiar with the neat little plot that sits beside the ­giant shed and which helps produce 900 bottles of sparkling wine every year. And the company’s relentless advance into viticulture doesn’t end there: the Virginia Water shop also has its own tiny Merlot vineyard. All of this is very groundbreaking and exciting but it must give…

Suddenly I see … me in the dock Scottish songstrel KT Tunstall has admitted a murky past working among us – in an off-licence in St Andrews. And not just that, she “sexually harassed” her boss while she was at it. “I sexually harassed my boss at work and ended up going out with him for a year and a half. We had to taste…